Speaking for myself

I've been re-reading Orson Scott Card's Speaker for the Dead (part of my general review of the entire Ender series, one of the best-written pieces of sci-fi out there), and simultaneously read shosh's musings on why ostensibly religious people do things which demonstrate their inherent irreligiosity (it's my blog, dangnabit, I'll mangle the English language as I please).

The question is one of those which my rabbis would say "is far better than the answer," assuming, of course that there is a single reason, which I doubt. The person may, in fact, no longer be religious but feels the need to "front" for family, friends, community, etc. Then again, the person might have a double moral code (which is NOT the same as hypocrisy), or simply weak. In one of the climactic moments of Speaker, the title character eulogizes an unpopular figure without any false praises or critiques, simply telling what the person did, providing some motivation for his actions, and giving the survivors a glimpse into what combination of soul and society created him.

Would that I could truly speak for myself. Would that I knew myself well enough to say: "This is what I believe. This is who I am, and therefore I do this." There are people who know me (or at least parts of me) far better than I know myself. Maybe someday, they'll get together and talk about me and figure me out. When you do, please let me know, ok?

Okay, that seems morose enough for a day's post... later.